Hi there,
How is February treating you? And can you believe it’s gone already? Well, it will be gone tomorrow to be exact. I can’t really remember what happened and how mine was, most days have been a blurb, since the situation in Ukraine. But if I calm down and sit still, I can remember some of my days in February, even if in small doses. I saw my friend B after 2 years and she stayed for a weekend and took me to watch a show called Burlesque at Pussy Liquor. We had such a lovely catch up. I baked her chocolate unicorn birthday cake. And we talked. And talked. A lot. Can you guess about what? Yup, you are right, about love.
In my mind, I connect February with love and you can blame the marketing around Valentine's day for it, but Valentine's day is still Valentine's day. Thinking about love more in this month is quite normal if you ask me. As we have it pushed in our faces everywhere we are going, like it or not. So, I had this idea of talking about love in this newsletter. But whenever I think about love, I always come back to this belief of mine:
Before you can love someone you need to love yourself first.
I am a firm believer that before love even happens, self-love needs to live within us. I also believe before anyone can love you, you need to love yourself first. This brings me to the real theme of this month's newsletter. Self-love.
Self-love doesn’t come naturally to me because in my mind I have an urge to make sure everyone is okay, to look after them, to check on them, to talk to them. There is no person I would not be able to give a comforting word or a minute of pep talk. Because I genuinely care that people around me are feeling well. Of course, I can’t save your life and we all have things going on in our own lives, but at least to give you some hope when I am there. To pass the comforting word or information you need to hear. Whatever it is, I will try to check on you. Regardless of what you do, I will support you and find all understanding I can to stand next to you. I know it's bizarre, but that is the truth. But when it comes to me, I somehow, for some reason, expect from myself a million times more than from anyone else. I expect this constant performance and delivery, regardless of the life situation at that moment. I find excuses for people behaving not nice, and comfort them when I get hurt or they hurt someone else, but when I make a mistake, omg, that is a natural disaster.
So, yeah, unfortunately self-love doesn't come naturally to me. I had to learn about it and if you ask me if I practice self-love, do I love myself, I would immediately say hell yes. But here is the thing. Easier said than done, they say.
It just made me think about what is self-love to me, and because I couldn’t come up with the answer I decided to ask my Instagram followers for help - I don’t have many to be honest and even so, my audience is small, it is very loud and powerful. My DM is always full of different conversations about things I say and share. The question was:
What is self-love for you?
Lots of people answered and thank you to everyone who took their time and replied back. I spread the people’s answers through this newsletter so you can read for yourself and maybe get an idea of how to practice your own self-love.
I felt so inspired reading the answers. And to be honest, the answers sounded simple, straight and logical. But why is it so hard for me to do it? I actually had to google why is self-love so hard and came across this article published in Kirkland Reporter by Dr. Allison Apfelbaum called Why is self-love is so difficult? In her article she says, self-love comes from accepting yourself for you are in this very moment, this includes looking at your insecurities and faults and shining a light on them.
Sound very scary to me, to be honest and she goes on:
“Everyone is human and no one is perfect, everyone has insecurities and that makes us who we are. Loving yourself truly comes with facing what you may hate most about yourself. Maybe it is a body part or multiple body parts, or the way you treated someone or guilt or shame about a situation. The thing is until you can really shine a light on your insecurities, you will never be truly accepting of yourself.”
I was mind blown, all this time I thought I loved myself and I do but, I always added the but’s…. It made me sad about the way I was thinking and I want to give myself more self-love. But how?
In the same article Dr. Allison Apfelbaum says, the best way to boost your self-esteem is to choose healthy positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts people. Positive thoughts Jasmina. Positive thoughts. I realised I still have a lot of work to do, and if I can do it for someone else, I will learn how to do it for myself too. I know it will take time, but I feel optimistic because at the end of the day we all deserve to be loved. We deserved to be loved by ourselves first.
I believe that any kind of love starts with self-love. If there is no self-love there is also no love. If you know me you will definitely hear me saying, at some point in our lives, if you don’t love yourself how can you expect someone else to love you. I have the same opinion about respect, loyalty and friendship, but let’s talk about this some other time. Let me finish this here, self-love is …. I guess I get it in theory and now I need to learn it to practice more. Starting with this newsletter, as a reminder to myself, to love myself regardless of what happened in the past and what happens in the future. Until then, please enjoy my friend's snippets of what self-love is to them. And feel free to let me know: What is self-love to you?
Have a lovely start to the week.
Stay safe.
Love,
Jasmina x
Chocolate TruffleCat - @chocolate_trufflecat
Little business started in pandemic by a wife and husband. Luxury Chocolate Truffles. They do UK delivery. Amazing for a treat for yourself or a loved one. I tried it and loved them very much.
BeckyTaylor Money Wellbeing - @beckytayloruk
Little business run by coach Becky Taylor who helps you master your money mindset, financial wellbeing and create financial balance in your life. I have been on a massive money journey for the past year and Becky’s account is one of the accounts I follow and enjoy. She talks about money in a simple way and without making you feel any guilt.
For me self love is when you wake up and step in front of the mirror and say to yourself: you are beautiful, you are strong, you are doing great!! And then you smile and you really believe in your words. Lots of love ♥️♥️♥️